Creating a Safe Space: Tips for Setting Boundaries

Creating a safe space — whether in your home, your relationships, or within yourself — starts with setting clear, compassionate boundaries. But for many trauma survivors, especially those conditioned to people-please or stay small to avoid conflict, the idea of setting boundaries can feel terrifying. The good news? Boundaries are a skill, not a personality trait. With support from a trauma therapist, especially through online therapy or tools like EMDR, you can learn to protect your peace without losing connection.

Why Boundaries Are Essential for Safety
Boundaries define what’s okay and what’s not — and they allow relationships to thrive based on mutual respect rather than obligation or fear. For trauma survivors, especially those with a history of coercion or emotional neglect, boundaries may feel unfamiliar or even “mean.” But boundaries aren’t walls — they’re bridges to healthier communication and emotional safety.

Tips for Creating Safe Spaces Through Boundaries

1. Start with Your Physical Environment
Before tackling relationships, make your physical space feel safe. That might mean closing a door during your online therapy session, setting time blocks for rest, or creating a “no phone” zone during meals.

2. Use Simple, Respectful Language
You don’t need to justify your boundary with a long explanation. Start with phrases like:

• “I’m not available for that right now.”

• “That doesn’t work for me.”

• “Let me think about it and get back to you.”

3. Notice Where Guilt Shows Up
Many survivors associate saying no with rejection or abandonment. A trauma therapist can help you identify the root of this guilt and offer regulation strategies so it doesn’t control your decisions.

4. Reprocess Boundary-Related Trauma with EMDR
If setting boundaries triggers intense fear or freeze responses, EMDR can help. EMDR works by targeting past moments where your boundaries were ignored, shamed, or punished — and allows your brain to reprocess them so they no longer feel threatening.

5. Consider Identity-Specific Boundaries
Boundaries look different in every culture. For BIPOC individuals, asserting boundaries may clash with cultural expectations of obedience, collectivism, or self-sacrifice. A BIPOC therapist can help you explore how to honor both your cultural identity and your emotional needs without betraying either.

6. Practice in Low-Stakes Settings First
Don’t wait for a high-stress moment. Practice small boundaries in everyday life — like declining an invitation, asking for space, or saying “I need a break.” Repetition builds confidence.

Conclusion
Creating a safe space starts with believing you deserve one. Boundaries aren’t about control — they’re about clarity, consent, and care. Whether you’re working with a BIPOC trauma therapist, starting online therapy, or using EMDR to heal the wounds behind people-pleasing, you can learn to set boundaries that protect your peace and strengthen your relationships.

If you're ready to embark on a journey of healing and personal transformation, I encourage you to reach out. I am passionate about trauma-informed care in all spaces as well as creating safety so you can process your experiences at your own pace. Please contact me to schedule a consultation and learn more about how online trauma therapy can help you achieve your goals.

I am dedicated to helping you create a life filled with greater joy, fulfillment, and resilience. Let's work together to start your healing journey.