Understanding Attachment Styles: How They Influence Adult Relationships
Have you ever wondered why certain relationships feel safe and others leave you anxious, distant, or stuck in unhealthy patterns? The answer might lie in your attachment style — a blueprint formed in early childhood that shapes how you connect, trust, and respond to intimacy. Whether you’re trying to improve your relationships or understand your triggers, exploring attachment can be a powerful part of therapy. With the help of a trauma therapist, especially through online therapy or approaches like EMDR, you can begin healing attachment wounds and building secure connections.
What Are Attachment Styles?
Attachment theory explains how our earliest caregiving relationships influence how we bond as adults. There are four main styles:
Secure Attachment – Comfort with closeness, emotional regulation, and healthy boundaries.
Anxious Attachment – Fear of abandonment, clinginess, and high sensitivity to perceived rejection.
Avoidant Attachment – Discomfort with closeness, emotional distance, and a tendency to withdraw.
Disorganized Attachment – A mix of anxious and avoidant behaviors, often tied to unresolved trauma.
These styles aren’t permanent labels — they’re patterns shaped by experience, and they can evolve with healing and support.
How Trauma Influences Attachment
If you grew up with neglect, inconsistency, emotional invalidation, or abuse, you may have developed insecure attachment patterns as a way to cope. For BIPOC individuals, these patterns may be further shaped by cultural expectations, systemic oppression, or historical trauma.
A BIPOC therapist brings a culturally informed lens to this work, helping clients understand how identity, family, and community experiences influence attachment — and how healing can happen without losing cultural integrity.
How EMDR Can Help Heal Attachment Wounds
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is highly effective in addressing the roots of attachment distress. By targeting key memories — like feeling unloved, unsafe, or rejected — EMDR helps the brain and body release stored fear and rewrite core beliefs such as “I’m not worthy” or “People always leave.” This opens the door to healthier, more secure relationships in the present.
Doing Attachment Work in Online Therapy
Online therapy creates a consistent, regulated space for attachment healing. In fact, many clients feel safer exploring vulnerability from their own environment. The therapeutic relationship itself becomes a new model of secure connection — one where you are respected, seen, and not judged for your patterns.
A skilled trauma therapist can gently explore your style without pathologizing it. Instead of asking “What’s wrong with me?” you’ll begin asking “What happened to me — and how can I change the pattern?”
Conclusion
Your attachment style is not your destiny. With awareness, compassion, and the right support — whether through online therapy, EMDR, or the guidance of a culturally attuned BIPOC trauma therapist — you can shift from survival-driven patterns to relationships rooted in safety, respect, and emotional freedom.
If you're ready to embark on a journey of healing and personal transformation, I encourage you to reach out. I am passionate about trauma-informed care in all spaces as well as creating safety so you can process your experiences at your own pace. Please contact me to schedule a consultation and learn more about how online trauma therapy can help you achieve your goals.
I am dedicated to helping you create a life filled with greater joy, fulfillment, and resilience. Let's work together to start your healing journey.
